( reading time: 4 min 5 sec )
We often hear something being said without catching its value. We are told not to focus on ourselves. Sometimes, the best thing we can do for others is to focus on ourselves.
The three MEs teach us how to focus on ourselves properly. A healthy view of our good and bad past will equip us to make the right choices today. Without that, looking at the future will remain tainted.
We will give each of ‘me’ a name to make the conversation less annoying. Many people answer life’s questions differently once they understand the concept of the three MEs.
- YEM (yesterday me, a.k.a. the past)
- ME (present)
- TOM (tomorrow me, a.k.a. the future)
While this may seem simple, I promise you it is also profound. Answers we want to life’s questions are made less powerful by adding complexity. The most powerful answers are the ones we can apply to our lives effectively.
YEM’s Journey
Once, there was a man named Andy who had extreme character flaws. He was always regretting former decisions. His frustration grew so great that he started referring to himself in the third person by a new name. When people asked why he changed his name, he said my life is a mess because of YESTER-ME. He shortened YESTER-ME to YEM to make it easier to remember.
After looking to others, nobody else had the answer to his struggles. He chose to take a vow of silence and find the answer on his own. This man spent weeks and then months meditating on his quest. He listened, watched, and forced himself to learn what he could but said nothing to anyone. He did not know if the meditation had changed his ways, but it was time to put his learning to the test and rejoin life. The first thing on his return to life was to have a hot dog.
He returned to the city and found a vendor with a hot dog cart. He approached the cart and asked, “Can you make me one with everything?” The vendor rolled his eyes at the attempt at humor, made the loaded hot dog, and said it would be five dollars. The YEM pulled out a ten-dollar bill and gave it to the vendor.
Then, YEM looked disturbed. The vendor just closed the ten-dollar bill in the box. He wasn’t used to talking, and this was a bit annoying. After waiting for the vendor to notice, YEM asked the vendor if he noticed that he was given a ten-dollar bill. The vendor said yes and stood there silent. Now, YEM practiced the breathing routine he learned during his silence; then he said I would like to change.
At this point, the hot dog vendor’s face profoundly expressed satisfaction, a smile spreading broadly from one side of his face to the other, with one side turned up just a bit higher. He waited until his customer looked confused to answer. Mr Monk, why do you ask for change? Surely you know I cannot give what you ask for. True change must come from within.
After years of silence and thinking, YEM did something he had not done in months. He began to laugh. The vendor started to open the cash box and get the change out, but the YEM said the lesson was worth it. He said thanks, turned, and went his way.
The New Man
The experience was different; YEM realized that the humor of the hot dog vendor was what he had missed, seeking others to teach him to change. He thought none of them had the answer, but the answer was not a single piece missing from an unfinished puzzle. Asking for an answer to change his life was where his quest was failing. External truth would always fail him until YEM put the answer into practice.
After applying this new approach to life, some people had good answers, and others had terrible answers, but remembering change comes from within was changing his personality. Things changed so much that he wanted to lay aside the name YEM within his first month of talking. He told his friends to call him ME until he chose a new name. None of them would go along with that idea.
Calling himself ME was a good idea, but his friends were right. It would be confusing if they called him ME. One of his friends said his old name was a good one. That made sense; it was not the name that caused the character flaws, so Andy it was, again. If someone knew the old Andy, he would introduce him to the new Andy—the one who changed within.
More Understanding
Soon, Andy’s friends began asking him how they could overcome struggles. When he talked with them, he taught them how to let go of their past regrets to engage with living better today. Most of his council was focused on overcoming the past. With the pain of the past fading, Andy began looking at the future with hope.
Spending some time alone, a skill he learned during his days as YEM, Andy created a new name for future me. The new name for the me of tomorrow is TOMORROW-ME, which he shortened to TOM.
Andy learned that YEM contributed more to ME’s happiness than all the others in his life. Others could offer ME chances to make life for TOM better or worse, but it was up to ME. The more ownership I take in caring about TOM, the more likable YEM becomes.
Andy’s Personal Review
Andy had a series of questions he asked himself regularly.
- What has YEM done well since the last time I checked in?
- What could YEM have done better?
- What one thing would TOM like ME to work on next?
While Andy never reached flawless perfection, he was no longer carrying regret of ME as his sense of identity. He shifted to a growth mindset because he took ownership of change and let go of blame. He made curiosity about his past a quest for insight. He understood that the present is an opportunity to invest in the future.
